Why am I going if I don't have a RAD?

This was my response (with a little editing) to one of the mom's who was genuinely curious and didn't make me feel like I didn't belong (which I have been afraid some of you would feel). I thought maybe someone else would be curious too, so here it is.

Back when Corey was first mentioning it on her blog I saw it. I was getting ready, or had maybe just gone I don’t remember which, to Rachel’s to do face painting and henna for her kid’s birthday party. I had been reading Rachel’s blog and really admired her and how much she loved her kids and how much grace she showed through all the challenges with them. I do have a step daughter who is bi-polar and ADHD – she also has some BIG mother issues – and I despaired of being able to live with her again. I asked my husband to go stay with his mom for a few weeks in Dec 2008 because I needed some distance from her. My kids had not prepared me for how she was at all and I had turned into someone I didn’t know. My doctor told me I was killing myself and I had to do something. I was ready to walk in front of a bus just so I didn’t have to go home to that anymore. She had “chased” both my kids out of my home because they couldn’t stand her. Reading Rachel’s blog and then all of you, helped me “see” her differently and LOVE Lyric and not her behavior. My husband is still living with his  mom since Dec 2008 and he comes to visit (his mom had health problems while he was there and he stayed to take care of her and her boyfriend who is also not very healthy), but I believe I’m in a place where I could live with Lyric now. There are lots of things that have happened over the two years but recently things have been happening where I can see that she might actually be able to be a productive member of society someday and I want them to come home. I don’t know if I would have reached my new way of seeing without you and all the other RAD mom’s. I told Rachel that part of what helped me is realizing things could be so much worse and if her kids could find so much healing with all they had been through there is hope for Lyric. Her mom is a piece of work and I don’t have time to go into it here, but many of Lyric’s issues stem from her. So, when I saw what Corey was doing I emailed her and asked if I could come over and do henna for you all. I just wanted to be part of lifting you up while you guys are there. In talking with her she said I could come stay too and I figured that I could henna more ladies that way. I’ve kind of felt like I didn’t belong but I’m really excited to be a part of it. Poor Jennie, our house mom, gets an email periodically with me asking if anybody has said anything about me not belonging. She reassures me. I really can’t wait to meet all of you. You and all the other mom’s amaze me!

Things are looking good

Tyler's bone scan showed NO findings. Woohoo! His surgery is on Tuesday to remove the tumor. I thought they were going to do the mIBG scan before the surgery, but they've decided to do it after. What I'm guessing that means is that they have that same peace I do and removing it will be the end of it because there are no more.

Some other things that are looking good is that it seems like my step-daughter Lyric is finally going to be in a school where she has a better chance of succeeding. She got suspended before Thanksgiving for 10 days and David found out this week that they weren't going to let her come back. I wanted her to be able to go to a school I found when we volunteered with my work to help build a playground. A quote in the article I found says "Diamond Community School, Inc. exists for the purpose of providing educational services for all children in grades K-12 with a specialized interest in children who are at risk for school failure due to learning disabilities, academic delays and social- economic challenges. The organization is a non-profit entity committed to providing an educational safety net for children to enable them to become productive, viable and self-sufficient contributors in society."  That's what I want for her. Unfortunately, her former school and David weren't able to have the paperwork in place to get her the scholarship she would need to attend that school starting in January. With David still out of work since Sept 2008 and still living at his mother's, he can't pay the tuition and I can't either. An alternative is the Horace Mann Academy, and she starts there on Monday.

Do I think this is the right place for her? Maybe. David took me with him for the tour and it's definitely not as inviting as Diamond, but I like the way they feel about their kids. The goal is to give them the skills to transition back to regular day school. They also don't believe in BAD kids and Lyric is not a bad kid, so that will be a nice change for her to have someone be able to see past the labels others have tried to put on her. We'll see what happens. One big possible wrench in the works is that Lyric's mom for some reason has decided that Lyric needs to be back with her.

One of the many, many problems with her going back with her mom is that she does not make sure that Lyric gets her meds. Lyric is not responsible enough to make sure she gets them herself and that makes for days and days of getting regulated again after messing with her brain chemistry like that. Plus, there are what I dare say after all I've learned on all the wonderful blogs I read about attachment, some attachment issues with her mom. Even though her mom has been, in my opinion, vile to her, I had a text message that Lyric forwarded to me (out of many) that says, "Why can't you be a mother to me? You're supposed to love me even when I do bad." I don't know if her mom saw it (she was threatening to block Lyric from her phone), but she never responded to it. It breaks my heart for her. On top of Lyric's bipolar disorder with ADHD  and ODD, she has a real anger issue, which brings us back to why she isn't allowed back in her school. It's a vicious cycle. I don't get to have any say and feel constantly frustrated by not being able to influence decisions very much. David has spent years in years dealing with things the same way and expecting different results. Isn't that considered the definition of insanity? Ugh!

Anyway, this is long enough now. Issues with David can wait for another post.

Have a BLESSED day!