Why am I going if I don't have a RAD?

This was my response (with a little editing) to one of the mom's who was genuinely curious and didn't make me feel like I didn't belong (which I have been afraid some of you would feel). I thought maybe someone else would be curious too, so here it is.

Back when Corey was first mentioning it on her blog I saw it. I was getting ready, or had maybe just gone I don’t remember which, to Rachel’s to do face painting and henna for her kid’s birthday party. I had been reading Rachel’s blog and really admired her and how much she loved her kids and how much grace she showed through all the challenges with them. I do have a step daughter who is bi-polar and ADHD – she also has some BIG mother issues – and I despaired of being able to live with her again. I asked my husband to go stay with his mom for a few weeks in Dec 2008 because I needed some distance from her. My kids had not prepared me for how she was at all and I had turned into someone I didn’t know. My doctor told me I was killing myself and I had to do something. I was ready to walk in front of a bus just so I didn’t have to go home to that anymore. She had “chased” both my kids out of my home because they couldn’t stand her. Reading Rachel’s blog and then all of you, helped me “see” her differently and LOVE Lyric and not her behavior. My husband is still living with his  mom since Dec 2008 and he comes to visit (his mom had health problems while he was there and he stayed to take care of her and her boyfriend who is also not very healthy), but I believe I’m in a place where I could live with Lyric now. There are lots of things that have happened over the two years but recently things have been happening where I can see that she might actually be able to be a productive member of society someday and I want them to come home. I don’t know if I would have reached my new way of seeing without you and all the other RAD mom’s. I told Rachel that part of what helped me is realizing things could be so much worse and if her kids could find so much healing with all they had been through there is hope for Lyric. Her mom is a piece of work and I don’t have time to go into it here, but many of Lyric’s issues stem from her. So, when I saw what Corey was doing I emailed her and asked if I could come over and do henna for you all. I just wanted to be part of lifting you up while you guys are there. In talking with her she said I could come stay too and I figured that I could henna more ladies that way. I’ve kind of felt like I didn’t belong but I’m really excited to be a part of it. Poor Jennie, our house mom, gets an email periodically with me asking if anybody has said anything about me not belonging. She reassures me. I really can’t wait to meet all of you. You and all the other mom’s amaze me!

45 more days till Orlando! WooHoo!

So I got this amazing opportunity to go to a retreat in Orlando with an amazing group of ladies. I've only met one of them IRL, but hey, I love making new friends! And I can't WAIT till I meet these women!! The weekend is a retreat (for some it sounds like it's going to be a saving grace) for mom's with kids who have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). I don't have a child with RAD, but I do have a skill I hope will make them happy. I'm going to do henna for them. I came across Corey's blog talking about it and I was already reading the blogs of a few of these amazing women, but my realm of awe has expanded.

If any of you read this, I really just can't wait to meet you. I think you are all amazing! I admire you and I stand in awe. I've learned so much from you about invisible disabilities, and I've cheered at your triumphs in healing and cried for you when your families, your schools, you friends, your care providers have been a roadblock instead of a step up. You all make me just say Wow! No matter what your circumstances have been - how much you love your families and how you have to work so hard to balance loving your RAD kids with your NT kids and deciding in some cases that disruption is how you need to love them to keep them and everyone else safe. I admire you all. I just can't say it enough. To keep loving while they're near and even when they are far and coming to the realization that sometimes just loving someone isn't enough is hard beyond imagining. I know there are so many facets to all of this and the things I've mentioned here don't cover all the things you have to go through every day in your normal. What I really want to say is that even on the days when you feel like giving up or a failure, I still am blown away by how amazing you ALL are!!!!  That's why I want to come. I want to be able to do something for all of you and be a part of something that makes you happy. You DESERVE it soooooo much!

Sometimes It's OK to be Backwards

I wasn't reading Jack Sh*t's blog when he posted this, although I am a regular reader now. He's got to be one of the funniest people alive. He is also sponsoring/supporting some of his readers to help motivate them on their weight loss journey. One of them, Billie at The Weight It Is reposted this recently and it really struck me and I wanted to share.

Although, I need to start living these things and not just reading them. I used to have motivation but I seem to have lost it. With lap-band surgery coming up in a few months, it is time to get on the BALL!

Reversing It

I will always be fat
And I refuse to believe that
I can lose this weight
I do
I realize that isn’t the way most people think but
“Eating to live instead of living to eat”
That’s just not working out, and I truly believe
Eating what I want will make me happier in the end
It’s just a big fat lie, thinking
Being fit is the most important thing in my life
Now I understand that
Making myself happy with food
Is more important than
Making myself healthy with food
And this much is true:
People are succeeding at losing weight every day
But I know in my heart this will not be the case for me
This could wind up killing me
Doctors tell me
I will shorten my life and steal time away from my family
Right now it doesn’t seem possible that
I can change my ways and be fit for the rest of my life
This is what I believe:
This journey is just too tough for me
I don’t want to even consider the fact that
I can control the causes of my shortcomings and my failings
It’s just a fact of life that
People like me are weak-willed and lazy
And it’s ridiculous to believe that
I will lose weight and be healthy

That’s how I used to think; then I chose to reverse it (read from the bottom up).