A Different Kind of Christmas Poem

I saw this poem on one of the blogs I read today - Life with My Special Ks. Renee's husband is in the military and I am so grateful to him and his sacrifice being away from his family, especially at Christmas.

I met a young man last night at the local Auto Zone when all at once my battery went kaput and one of my headlights went out. I try to get to know people - make a connection with them. He was so personable and helpful. Not only did he come out to test and see exactly what was going on he went that extra mile. In the course of our conversation as he not only installed my new battery, but also installed my pretty difficult headlight lamp, I came to know that his name was Robby, he was married and had a baby on the way, he was a mechanic and was studying to be an elementary teacher. He was obviously just a great guy. Not only that but he was in the Air Force and had just gotten back recently from being deployed in Germany. I was so happy to be able to tell him Thank You for fighting for my freedom. I often wish I had the presence of mind to tell people I see who are in the military Thank You for their willingness to sacrifice their lives for us. Usually I don't think of it until the opportunity has passed.

This poem makes me cry. I am very emotional and rarely watch the news (don't have cable) or read the paper because I have a hard time letting go of things and not letting worry about the what ifs and what coulds take over my life, and I don't involve myself in politics. I'm not willing to debate with people whether our military belongs here or there. However, no matter mine or your views on what's right or wrong in regards to the military, the men and women that go into it are HEROES in my book and I am forever grateful.

A Different Kind of Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "It’s really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother.
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

EVEN BETTER NEWS!!!!

I just heard from Tiffany. Tyler is CANCER FREE!!!! Bone marrow biopsy was clean.
God is Awesome.
ALL. THE. TIME!!!!

Thank you for everyone who prayed! I can never thank you enough!

GOOD NEWS!

Last week Tyler spent Tuesday and Wednesday at Arnold Palmer getting an MIBG scan. Yesterday, Tiffany finally got the results. He is clear!! No sign of any more cancer cells! He is still having a bone marrow biopsy today because the want to make sure they covered all their bases, but Tiff said they are expecting that to come back clean too. His lymph nodes were also clear when they tested those. Looks like even though they found some cancer cells when they did the biopsy on the tumor they removed - they got it all then. Praise God! I was so giddy after she called I was ready to skip through the halls at work singing Hallelujah!

One of the best things though? Tiffany telling me how all this has strengthened her faith. I always try to be a "the glass is half full" kind of girl, but my cup is OVERFLOWING! I have been so blessed by all the people praying for them. There are people all over the world praying. One friend sent me a text message that really moved me, it said "Tyler's army will never give up - we have all the confidence of those who lowered the man thru the roof to be healed." Wow!

Tyler has healed up very good after his surgery. Tiff was going crazy trying to keep him from climbing all over everything :) That's a two year old for you. We went to the zoo last Friday and I got a great picture of him. I thought I'd share. Happy boy!

Not the news we were hoping for

I just talked with Tiffany (and then had to go run a meeting at work) and good news is they are coming home today. Tyler got his chest tube out today and seems to be in much better spirits today. Tiffany said she and Army got to hold him for the first time since the surgery and he was clinging to them. He's eating too. He didn't seem to interested in eating up till now. The bad news is they will have to be going back. We were hoping that they would say the biopsy of the tumor, which is a neuroblastoma, showed that there was nothing to be worried about, but there were mature and immature (the bad kind) cells. They will be going back to Arnold Palmer next week to get the MIBG scan to check for any more neuroblastoma and will have to come back after Christmas to get the bone marrow biopsy. The doctor also mentioned a monthly urine test.

Here are a couple of pictures from the hospital after the surgery. He was so good. He charmed the nurses within moments just with his beautiful blue eyes. The blue dog Tiffany's stepmom got him. Tiff saw it and loved it. I was glad Dee was able to get it for him.

I still feel so much peace from God and from the prayer that has blanketed Tyler since I first got the call from Tiffany and sent out a text message pretty early on a Saturday morning. I have the best friends ever. The hardest part for me is watching my "baby" hurting. As I'm sure we all know, giving it to God can bring a lot of peace, but we humans are notorious for grabbing it back. I tried to encourage Tiff to do that, but she is feeling so fragile right now. But I have to say, when I was her age I think I would have fallen all the way apart. It tears me up now to know how she's feeling. I love that she can tell me - but I want to FIX it and I can't. I have to hand it over to God too. So, I'm sitting her crying, but not for Tyler - he's in the hands of the ultimate physician and my God has a plan for him - and I know Tiffany is too - but it's hard!

Plus! My marriage, such as it is, is really struggling and I just started an online class (that I already had to beg to take at this later date because I got behind the first time) and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I just need to remember, God has a plan for me too.

Tyler's surgery went GREAT

We are at Arnold Palmer and Tyler is already out of surgery. The surgeon said it went great! There was no blood loss and the tumor wasn't attached to any thing so it was removed easily. We haven't gotten to see him yet, but Tiffany is very relieved. I hate to see "my" baby so upset.

It's really cold today. At noon the temp is still only 45 degrees. I think next year I'm moving to Florida! Oh yeah, I already live in Florida. What is up with this?!

A couple of pictures of the waiting game. Tiffany and Army (Tiff is sleeping) and my mom, Tiff's Dad, Troy and his wife Dee.

Get Service

Things are looking good

Tyler's bone scan showed NO findings. Woohoo! His surgery is on Tuesday to remove the tumor. I thought they were going to do the mIBG scan before the surgery, but they've decided to do it after. What I'm guessing that means is that they have that same peace I do and removing it will be the end of it because there are no more.

Some other things that are looking good is that it seems like my step-daughter Lyric is finally going to be in a school where she has a better chance of succeeding. She got suspended before Thanksgiving for 10 days and David found out this week that they weren't going to let her come back. I wanted her to be able to go to a school I found when we volunteered with my work to help build a playground. A quote in the article I found says "Diamond Community School, Inc. exists for the purpose of providing educational services for all children in grades K-12 with a specialized interest in children who are at risk for school failure due to learning disabilities, academic delays and social- economic challenges. The organization is a non-profit entity committed to providing an educational safety net for children to enable them to become productive, viable and self-sufficient contributors in society."  That's what I want for her. Unfortunately, her former school and David weren't able to have the paperwork in place to get her the scholarship she would need to attend that school starting in January. With David still out of work since Sept 2008 and still living at his mother's, he can't pay the tuition and I can't either. An alternative is the Horace Mann Academy, and she starts there on Monday.

Do I think this is the right place for her? Maybe. David took me with him for the tour and it's definitely not as inviting as Diamond, but I like the way they feel about their kids. The goal is to give them the skills to transition back to regular day school. They also don't believe in BAD kids and Lyric is not a bad kid, so that will be a nice change for her to have someone be able to see past the labels others have tried to put on her. We'll see what happens. One big possible wrench in the works is that Lyric's mom for some reason has decided that Lyric needs to be back with her.

One of the many, many problems with her going back with her mom is that she does not make sure that Lyric gets her meds. Lyric is not responsible enough to make sure she gets them herself and that makes for days and days of getting regulated again after messing with her brain chemistry like that. Plus, there are what I dare say after all I've learned on all the wonderful blogs I read about attachment, some attachment issues with her mom. Even though her mom has been, in my opinion, vile to her, I had a text message that Lyric forwarded to me (out of many) that says, "Why can't you be a mother to me? You're supposed to love me even when I do bad." I don't know if her mom saw it (she was threatening to block Lyric from her phone), but she never responded to it. It breaks my heart for her. On top of Lyric's bipolar disorder with ADHD  and ODD, she has a real anger issue, which brings us back to why she isn't allowed back in her school. It's a vicious cycle. I don't get to have any say and feel constantly frustrated by not being able to influence decisions very much. David has spent years in years dealing with things the same way and expecting different results. Isn't that considered the definition of insanity? Ugh!

Anyway, this is long enough now. Issues with David can wait for another post.

Have a BLESSED day!

When it rains it pours

So, I've decided that the devil was pretty ticked about that God given peace I've had about all this stuff with Tyler so he tried to shove another wrench in the works yesterday. I was heading to the Christian bookstore and while waiting for a parking space on my left a woman backed into me on the right. A stick in the devil's eye - she had just left the bookstore and while we were talking I found out she is also a Christian and she's going to be praying for Tyler too. God is in CONTROL. All. The. Time!

Tyler is having a bone scan today (pretty soon actually). Please pray there is no findings. It was supposed to start at 7 am, at least the prep part, but Daddy thought that since his boy was going to be having a hard day he deserved to have milk with breakfast. Turns out that was a no-no and they've had to wait until now - 6 hours later. Poor baby. My parents were able to take Tiffany & Tyler over there so she has that support.

I just talked to her. They had to give Tyler a catheter and she had to hold him down. That was really hard for her. In this case, I know how she feels. When she was 2 years old I left her with my first husband while I ran to the store. She decided, for the first time, that day that she was going to run her own bath. Turns out the thermostat was broken on the hot water heater so the temperature wasn't regulated and she burned her foot very badly. Luckily we lived right behind the hospital and got her there quickly, but she had to have hydrotherapy and I had to hold her down while they debrided her burn. I know how heart breaking it is to have to allow someone to terrify & hurt your child to help them. Sucks!

Here is a picture of Tyler on his way home from Arnold Palmer the day after they found the tumor. He doesn't look to unhappy, but I was making faces and saying booga-booga in my silliest voice.

Tyler update

David and I went to get them yesterday and our time management skills (lack of is more like it) got us on the road much later than I planned. Then I looked back in David's van and realized that we didn't have a carseat. David had misunderstood that he needed to pick it up from Ron (Kayla's dad). Luckily he was awesome enough to bring it to us.


A friend sent me this email this morning and I thought it would be good to type this once, so here's the scoop:

How is the baby today?  I haven’t talked to them today, but he was really happy to be home last night after David & I picked them up. He was done with being poked and prodded.

How is Tiff and Army holding up? Tiff is holding up much better than I would have expected. Army is being super supportive and they both feel very confident in the doctors and the plan of action so far. He’ll be having tests this week to make sure there is only the one and tentatively surgery will be next Tuesday.

How are you?  I have a lot of peace about Tyler. I was pretty upset that first day for “my” baby because I worry about her so much because her health hasn’t been that great. She’s down to about 87 lbs and feels all her stress in her tummy. But she is really doing good J

What can I do to help you through this? The only thing I know of right now is prayer. Pray that once they remove the tumor that we are DONE. That’s best case scenario and the drs made Tiff and Army feel like that will probably be what happens. They’ll do a biopsy on the tumor and during surgery they’ll do a bone marrow biopsy. Once they have the results of that they’ll know what further action, if any, needs to be taken. 

Additional details:  The doctor's initial assessment is that it is a neuroblastoma - excess nerves from his spine - and it's located behind a lung along his spine. He probably has had it since birth. He didn't start walking until later than most kids and he favors his right side. When Tiff and Army took Tyler for his 2 year old check up they ordered for him to have physical therapy. The doctors at Arnold Palmer said that this surgery will probably make all that go away.

This week he will travel back to AP to get a shot and then an mIBG scan (I think twice). The surgery will take 1 -1 1/2 hours from the back (which is good since he sleeps on his tummy).


That's all I have for now. Thank you for all the prayer. I think it gave Tiffany & Army a lot of comfort to feel like they were blanketed in it.

It's hard to know what to say

I didn't think I was going to get any sleep last night, but David stayed with me so every time I woke up and remembered I was able to reach for him and fall back asleep. Considering were married that shouldn't be a comment-able situation, but December 12th will be two years since he went to stay at his Mom's to "give me a short break" from dealing with Lyric's bi-polar disorder and ODD and turned into him becoming caregiver for his mom and her boyfriend. It being 2 years is going to have to be a whole other post. I never, ever thought he would be gone this long.

I'm leaving to go see Tiffany, Army and Tyler in a little while. David is going to go with me. Kayla said she didn't think she could deal with me & Tiffany being emotional at the same time. Thing is though, I know I have to hold it together for Tiffany. When she called this morning she sounded so much better and I will NOT be the one who takes that fragile balance from her.

Well, she just called me and the surgeon came to see them. They are going to be removing the tumor next week and they may get to go home tonight. He said it is in the best possible place to remove it. The fever he had is totally gone and I believe that was God's way of getting this thing found. I can't explain it but I have so much peace about this. I've learned a lot about faith, even in the face of extreme adversity, from reading amazing blogs online. Remembering all the posts where people bared their hearts and souls are really giving me strength right now. Thank you Smiles and Trials, Cornish Adoption Journey, Garden of Eagan, Creating My Own Little Nirvana, Storing Up Treasures, My Special K's and many many more. You don't even know me but you've all touched my life in ways I can't even explain.

One more call since I started this. David and I are leaving in a few minutes to go get them. They have to go back Tuesday for another test and surgery is tentatively going to be done Tuesday of the next week.

Please pray for Tyler

Today was going to be my family's Thanksgiving dinner celebration, but while we still give thanks for all the blessings in our lives, we are fervently praying for my grandson Tyler. When I started this post he had been at the ER all night with a 104 degree temp. They did an x-ray then a CT scan and saw a mass on his lung. The hospital made the decision to transport him to Arnold Palmer. Now, he's been there for awhile and I talked with my parents a few minutes ago. The doctor mentioned the possibility of neuroblastoma, but they have to run additional tests and then come up with a plan of action once they've gotten all their facts together.

When Tiffany called me this morning to tell me that Tyler was going to be transported to Arnold Palmer I was very calm. I have a really strong feeling of peace that everything is going to be fine and that God is holding Tyler in HIS hands. I'm definitely freaking out more now - a lot more - but really, I still have that peace. I'm hanging on tooth and nail. 

Please pray for my grandson, Tyler and for his mommy and daddy. I've seen the power of prayer and faith over and over again on here. I'm claiming that for them. Thank you.

My Friend Rachel

I have become an avid blog read reader. It started with Meredith and now I'm up to 27 in my Google Reader blog roll. Some of these families I've been following for years now. I've met some of them IRL, and some of them I've just commented and others I just follow, but I have to say I have them all in my heart.

One of the families I've met IRL is Rachel's from Finishing Off My Family. I love them. I'll tell you why in another post, but for now, if you know them you know they are struggling with the "system" to keep some children (that are already theirs in their hearts) in their home. There are lots of complicated reasons. GrowingUpLost has a post about it. Here is a link. Rachel asked me to post it.

Rachel, if you read this, I love you. You are one of the most amazing people I know and I'm so glad to have met you and your DH and have you as a part of my life. I know David thinks the same thing. I am here to support you however I can.

Not that anybody reads this, but I need some prayer...

My mom just called. My grandfather, who is 92, going to be 93 in Dec., fell out of bed. At first they thought he might have broken his hip, but now they think it might have been a stroke. He's had dementia for awhile now and he doesn't remember anyone but my dad. My dad actually still looks like he did when he was a kid :) I have good genes! Anyway, my grammy, lives in the same facility but in a different area is pretty upset. As you can imagine. She also found out a good friend of hers that would come visit her everyday, died suddenly today. Please pray for my Papau and Grammy.

Papau and Grammy have only been married 7 years, but we love her a lot and I hate for her to be so sad. Papau comes to visit her everyday and every day he has to be reminded that she is his wife, but she loves to see him.

Thank you.
 **Updated 10/25 @ 9pm:  Papau passed away. Please pray for Grammy and for the rest of us. Thank you. Some of my best memories as a child through now are about my grandparents.

Back in the saddle again

Wow. It's been a very long time. A lot has happened since March 2009 and this would probably make it on the contenders for longest post ever if I try to include everything so I'll try to stick to the highlights.

Well, I went back and skimmed over what I've written so far, so onto the update. I think it will be easier if I do it by person.

Tyler
He's amazing! I totally get it now when people say "If I would have know grandkids were this much fun I would have had them first." I don't get to see him as much as I'd like, but he sure is growing up. He'll be 2 in a couple of months. That's him with me in my profile pic.

Tiffany and Tyler at the park with Army and myself.

Tiffany (& Army)
Tiffany is still working at Red Lobster. They love her there and if I do say so myself, she is very good at her job. She's having some issues with her Dad and family at his house. She believes her sisters stole from her and is not getting the resolution she hoped for from them or from her dad. She has never had a close relationship with him and now that she is older, and has realized that holding everything only makes you sick from the inside out, she is ready to say to him that she doesn't feel like he protected her when she was young. Without going into too much detail, her previous step-mother was crazy. Boy the stories I could tell, but in the interest of not having a colossal post, I will refrain. Anyway, she and I have spent time together recently (which I love) and her telling me things I never knew (and my heart breaking  - which I don't love) and she needed to do what she needed to do to remove, or at least lessen, the stress she is under with the relationship she has with her dad. She's been struggling with finding herself emotionally and keeping the Trichotillomania under control.She's been scared about her health (and so are we.) She is around 90 lbs. We recently found out she has a hyper-thyroid. She doesn't have insurance right now so it's hard. She's getting there though and I'm so proud of her for sticking up for herself and doing what she needs to do to be the best "wife" (not married yet) and mother she can be. Army lost his job a couple of months ago too. So the stress level at their house is pretty high. She turned 24 on the 9th and I tried to make a big deal. It was fun. I took her and Kayla to the Melting Pot and bought her a lot of things - Christmas decorations, jewelry by Premier Jewelry, perfumes and products from Arbonne, and a book on making your own candles and/or spa/body products -  all on sale. Plus some money to spend how SHE wanted. She was happy :) and I'm happy seeing her happy.

Kayla

Kayla being silly graduation night at my Mom's with her graduation pie :)

Kayla is heading at breakneck speed towards 19 and I want to slow down time.She also works at Red Lobster and recently was lectured to by her sister about how to be a good employ. She's learning though. I can't believe my baby is grown up and in college now too. She graduated and even got a Bright Futures scholarship. She is going to get her AA from the local community college and then she wants to go to University of North Florida (UNF) in Jacksonville. Now all she has to do is get her act together and apply.  She's going to visit a friend in Ohio in December and then spending a few days in New York City with another friend that is going to college there. I think all of her attention is on that right now and she's going to get a rude awakening when she realizes she won't be able to leave when she wanted to because she is lolly-gagging. It's hard stepping back and letting her learn those lessons on her own.